A Birth Mother's Story of Finding Her Son February 5, 2013
My name is Ruth, a birth mother, and I am from Massachusetts. When I was 18 years old, I got pregnant in 1965, when it was not at all socially acceptable for a girl to have a baby out of wedlock, by someone I hardly knew, and that is when my whole life started to change.
My parents were devastated and told me I would have to give my baby up for adoption. They were going to send me to a home for unwed mothers where in turn my baby would be adopted out. My mother told my grandparents about what had happened and where I would be going, they felt badly and told her I could stay with them in California, they would take care of me while I was pregnant and arrange to have my baby adopted out, also. So, I left my parents and three siblings, and flew by myself to California, being very nervous and scared.
While I was pregnant, I would talk to my baby all the time, and I vowed to that baby that I was going to find him or her one day, and I would never give up looking. I had a strong bond with my baby and hated the idea of ever having to give him/her up. I would cry all the time and was quite depressed knowing the day would eventually come.
My baby was born on July 13, 1966 shortly after midnight at Anaheim General Hospital. My doctor had knocked me out completely, so I never got to see my baby. He only told me that I gave birth to a baby boy who weighed 8 lbs. 13 oz. They would not allow me to see or hold my baby, and all I did was cry the entire time I was there. My grandmother sneaked down to the nursery where they had his incubator turned sideways so as not to see him. She told me he was just beautiful, very big, and had a lot of brown hair. I was so excited to hear that about him, and so unhappy at the same time, knowing that I had no idea when in my life I would ever see him.
His adoption was a private one, I never even got to meet the adoptive parents. I only knew that they were in their 30's and had another son they adopted the year before my son. I knew that the husband was in the Armed Services, and I thought it was the Air Force. I was not allowed to name my son either, which killed me. I was told that they were going to name him and would change my name if I did so. I felt like my whole world was falling apart.
I got married in 1967 and gave birth to my daughter in 1969 and was just ecstatic, but a piece of me was still missing. I joined Alma in 1983 and was a member for six years. Unfortunately they did not find a match and I gave up then, as my then husband opposed my looking for my son. I had another daughter in 1977 and was quite happy also, but never felt complete. I ended up divorcing their father and started looking for my son again. I wrote to the California court system asking if they had any info on my son, or if they could open his adoption records. They said they could not, and he would have to inquire also, and they could then do a match.
I called Anaheim General Hospital to see if they could give me any info, as I did not have a name for my son, so it made my search difficult. They couldn't give me anything, and I just kept trying other avenues, going on all kinds of web sites related to birth mother's looking for their sons. I even emailed the Dr. Phil show asking if he could help me find my son and more recently went to the Troy Dunn the Locator's web site, and told my story hoping he could help me, but never got an answer from him.
Then I got a telephone call from Marie Anderson, ALMA Coordinator, on Wednesday, Jan. 30 asking if I had found my son. She told me she was from Alma and was working on old cases and mine came across her desk. She told me that her counterpart who was also helping her was in California, and that was Lori Sanders, California Chapter Assistant, and she would work on this case. I though I was just going to die! She called me the next afternoon and gave me my son's name, his address in California., my grandson's name and my son's telephone number as well.
I called my son, he could not believe I was looking for him as he was looking for me also, and just got dead ends. We have been talking every day, and he plans on coming out in March to meet me, and is then coming back in April to meet his entire family. He and I just couldn't be happier! By the way, his name is Tim, and he told me he always wanted sisters, so is just ecstatic. If it hadn't been for Marie and Lori's help and never giving up on me, I believe this reunion would probably never be happening. Tim and I feel like we are the luckiest two people in the world, and now have the peace and closure we have both been looking for. This is life changing and we both can't thank Alma enough.
Thank you so much Alma!
Ruth R.and Tim S.